Funny definition of software engineer

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A fire engineer, who could not speak Arabic, was finding it difficult to market his newly invented fire extinguisher in the Arabian continent. He consulted an expert who advised him to use photographic symbols. Now he proceeded with a three-stage demonstration photographs, namely 1 a car on fire, 2 a man fighting the fire with the device, then 3 a clean car.

Meanwhile, the Arabs read from right to the left, so they avoided the device completely. A young damsel was asked why she would not marry either of her engineer or lawyer boyfriends. She replied' the engineers make advances and add no detail, the lawyers argue details and make no advance'.

An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3. How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? They wouldn't do it. It's a hardware problem. What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.

An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said, "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage.

This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest of our professions. The civil engineer interrupted and said But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order out of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering.

Therefore, you are wrong. Mine is the oldest profession. The software engineer leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, Ah, but who do you think created the chaos? A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, I want peace in the Middle East. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits. The programmer then says, Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes. At which point the genie responds, Um, let me see that map again. Tom Cargill.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots.

So far the universe is winning. Rick Cook. Gavin Baker. Ever spend a little time reading comp. William Beckwith. If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. Edsger Dijkstra. Michael Feldman. Just as Caligula has his place in the history of the Roman Empire. December 23, at am. Lito says:. October 14, at pm. SKY says:. April 3, at am. January 11, at am.

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